I can't really figure out what it is that I'm feeling. My first instinct is to go with monotony. Day in day out: riding the bus, school, exhaustion, watching way too many HGtv, Food Network and TLC shows (and as embarrassing as it is a few ridiculous mtv ones as well), studying, eating, sleeping, phoning. Most of these activities are done alone. Maybe that's why they're so boring? Phoning is obviously not done alone...unless I'm talking to myself while holding my phone up to my ear which would just be...weird.
Happiness is just kind of...there. I don't even think it's happiness per se but more of just being. I'm alive and going and that's about it. What the hell is wrong with me? I should be happy where I am. I should be enjoying life, enjoying college, enjoying freedom, enjoying relationships. But instead I just am. I'm just being. I'm sick of this dead beat hillbilly of a town, I'm sick of school (especially calculus which is kicking my ass), and I'm sick of everyday life. I'm not sick of my relationships, I'm just not overjoyed by them...or...the one in particular, and it just doesn't make sense to me. It has all of the makings of a recipe for success (as lame and cliche as that sounds...I couldn't come up with anything better) so what's out of place? What's missing? Does sex before love = disaster if you aren't used to it? That's the only thing I can come up with and that better not be the damn problem because well, it's enjoyable. Extremely enjoyable. Ahahahah.