well it looks as if the cycle has finally been broken. yep. he dumped me. basically with just a bunch of bullshit reasons that made no sense other than the fact that they accentuated his obvious insecurities. i'm not so sure if i'm more upset that we're broken up or that this is how it happened. i was never really sure that we were going to make it to forever but i was positive we could make it to longer than just a little while. and i know this sounds pretty cocky of me but i just sort of assumed that when we did eventually break up it would be my doing not his. maybe it's better off this way though. now, instead of meeting some amazing guy before hand and realizing what crap my current relationship really is i just get to rebound. ooh how exciting.
i'm obviously not purposely going to try to make that happen but looking at the current situation i think it's going to be pretty difficult to force that not to happen. lonely girl, miles from home, moves back to college town with the idiotic idea that she'll still have her loving caring boyfriend to lean on for support. even though this town obviously isn't her favorite place and she really would rather have transferred somewhere else, anywhere else, she's sticking it out for the year and making the best of things due to the amazing amount of financial aid she's receiving. not even a week before she's supposed to move the so-called boyfriend brings up all of these apparent issues that they have and leaves her hanging saying that they both need time to think things over and figure out what to do about the situation. what to do about the situation? what the fuck? well there aren't all that many options. it's either decide to work things out or to be a pussy and give up about 7 days short of a year into the relationship. anyway, he leaves her hanging for ooh about 10 days or so while she contemplates whether what they have is actually worth all of this bullshit. should she actually be putting up with this? what kind of a guy, a supposed man, does this? shouldn't he know what he wants to do about all of it before he decides to discuss it with you? so in the end through all of the misery and all of the contemplation and all of the talking (after, mind you, he goes to virginia for 5 days and barely even lets her know he's alive) he's decided he just can't do "this" anymore. what exactly is "this" anyway? "this" used to be great. "this" used to be talking until 4 am and having to get up at 7, "this" used to be picnics and omni theater dates and hand-holding and looking cute together and driving the distance during the school year even if it just meant a few hours together. that's what "this" used to be. apparently now "this" is a bad thing.
i realize i now must seem like a maniac. explaining my story in third person like a complete weirdo. that's not what i meant to do. that's not really even what this entry was supposed to be about. here's what it was supposed to be about:
basically...
i'm already tired of being alone and it's only been a few weeks. yes, weeks.