"When we slow down and ask ourselves if we're happy...it ceasts to exist."
...or something like that. I started thinking about that quote from a movie that I watched tonight, and it really started getting to me. I mean, really, is it really that we're fooling ourselves into thinking that we're happy until we actually stop to ask ourselves if we are? Or...is it that you don't actually stop to ask yourself if you're truly happy...until you aren't? It's kind of weird to thinkg about.
Sometimes I feel like an emotional train wreck though. It's like one minute I'm fine and then...bam...it hits me. What am I doing? Where is this going? When did I stop loving him, and start loving him instead? I know that I rush into things alot. It's one of my faults. Get out of one relationship and into another. Usually before the previous one had really even totally ended. And I can't really figure out why I do that...maybe because I feel something with someone else and realize that there's a void. Maybe I need that other person to push me along, speed up the inevitable. This time I really think it was him though. He rushed things more than me and I just agreed. I went along for the ride.
But now I find myself sitting here wondering if I'm in the exact same place I was 7 months ago. Okay, so obviously not the exact same place. It's not that he gets angry all the time for no reason, he's not smothering me. He has his own life, a TON of his own friends, everything. I guess maybe it's just like sometimes things don't seem the same as they were in the beginning..and I can't really figure out why. Sometimes he just seems different. Sometimes I seem different. Sometimes it scares me that I could be moving back home next semester partially just because of him. But I guess that's normal.
Hmm...conclusion...I think when I start thinking too much then I start doubting things. Doubting myself, doubting my feelings, doubting the way things really are. But in reality things are just the same. They have to be. Or else everything wouldn't still be so great. So I should stop thinking, and let things be...and enjoy them.
so live for the moment
and take this advice, live by every word
love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard
and live for the moment now