i need a new layout or something thank you.
i feel like i'm trying so hard but then again maybe i'm not. i think i gave up on trying hard because i didn't want to be trying TOO hard. i just don't want to be in something that isn't going anywhere...which is what i'm afraid i'm in. it seems like he doesn't even call me anymore. i don't see him outside of school anymore. i don't want to be with someone just to claim the label of "girlfriend." i'm not that type. maybe he is.
EVERYONE wants something they don't think they can get until they have it. before things were official he was the one trying really hard. he was the one always suggesting things we could do together. he was the one saying that when i moved he was going to be over at my house 24/7. that hasn't happened so far. i moved last friday...maybe there's still time?
Then when they do have it, even if they act like they still want it, they're always thinking about getting something else. something being people. that's how i see it but then again maybe the everyone is really just me. i can see it in him though. i know that he'll want me when she's gone. it's hard having guy friends that you've felt something for before...but never tested because you don't know how it would've been. i think we'll find out someday maybe...then again maybe not. i hope so, just so i can know either way.
i just feel confused. i want to start over. i want to go back to the summer. i miss spending time with him. that sounds stupid. i atleast want to go back about a month. then maybe things would atleast be better with the guy that i'm SUPPOSED to be concerned about. he doesn't seem interested anymore. i guess i don't either. jeeeeez. i just don't want to end something without feeling like we ever really started because i do think we could have something good if we tried. and that i could like him alot. yes i started a sentence with and. i don't care- it IS my journal. i'm allowed to do that if i waaant. yeah that's what i thought bitc...uh yeah. i feel dumb with all the feelingness in this entry. i'll stop now. bye