i never realized i could get so attached to an animal. i never thought i would ever be crying this much. i never thought i would lose something so important to me so quickly. it was wednesday afternoon. my dad instant messaged me, which is never a good sign. he said "we need to talk, can i call you?" i knew. i could tell what was going on but i tried to ignore it. i drove over to his house. when i opened the door i didn't hear a bark. nothing met me there with a wagging tail. i went to my dad's room and there they were. laying on the bed, as if they had been that way forever. in a way they had. for 6 years, my dad and my dog together as one. actually it was more like my dad, my dog, and me together. he had been there through the hardest times of my life so far and i don't know how i'm going to get through the hard times ahead without him. this was last wednesday. he was miserable. his liver wasn't functioning "properly". he wasn't the same dog, that was obvious. he wasn't jumping around, he wasn't even walking around. my dad told me he was thinking of taking him around 3:30. it was horrible to think that my time was limited with him. when my parents got divorced he was the only thing that made me think there was still hope for my dad and me. there are so many memories. good and bad. i can't believe there won't be anymore. i never cried more in my life than i cried in those few days. my eyes felt dry. i was scared. we put him to sleep. we put him out of his misery and put us into our own. the house is silent now. it seems so lonely. i have to be with my dad and my mom doesn't seem to understand that. i couldn't stand being alone there, so why should he have to be? i can barely stand sleeping in that bed even with my dad there. it makes me cry myself to sleep. it sounds dumb. i sound weak. i don't want pity. but it's still hard. it feels cold without rumpole there to hog up the whole bed. it feels empty without him there to wake me up with kisses. it was so much easier to talk to him. he wouldn't care what it was about he would just sit there or bring me his ball. i just wish i could have him back. i don't care if i sound pathetic. i've never really lost anyone i cared about before. atleast not to death. people say it was his "time". 6 years old and it was his time? that's not right, life sucks. maybe it's my fault for not praying to buddha or some god or whatever exists up there. if anything exists. well gee sorry i'm not too religious at the moment, but that's another entry. anyway i love my dog and he's gone. it just makes me wonder what will be gone next.